Please pick only 1 post size.
A time-waster extraordinarie

had a little tea-time break from studying, skimmed through Merry Christmas, Alex Cross (will be properly ashamed of reading such stuff some other day when i have time) and now i’ve decided i’ll be like the main villain, the crazy terrorist doctor who wanted to poison half of Washington DC with some nasty phosphate-based gas. no, i  do not aspire to become a crazy mass murderer, i just want to be determined like her when she knew she was about to get kowcked down and cuffed but she kept fighting because it was important (to her, at least).

so will I. I’ll keep studying this goddamned anatomy, physiology and chem. i will keep trying. play through pain and all that. (CHRIST what will i do if i fail?!?!?)

anyway,…is it weird where i find my inspiration to study?

i just had a great idea. i’ll go to bed and hide under the blankets and avoid my life’s responsibilities for a year or two until i feel better. 

just thought i’d write a quick whinery about how pathetic i am and how certainly i’ll fail stuff and how obvious it is i am not fit for the task nor medschool nor a functional existance nor anything really

i am so sick and tired of my life and everything else in between i just GHHHGRGH. 

also, it’s actually cold here (such summer), and i got my period this morning. i feel like a pile of crap on top of another big smelly fat pile of crap. 

i must get back to work. if i’m ever done with these exams and not fail the year i swear i will … i dont know. i dont have any idea. 

i have just asked the ignorant dude if he could possibly say that i’m not exactly that stupid idiotic and beyond repairable as i say when i’m wallowing in self pity. I am SO. PATHETIC. 

HE WOULDN’T SAY IT. DAMN IDIOT. that’s quite enough now.  I’m jumping off the balcony. Bye. 

noone wil pick me up from my hole in the ground if i dont pick myself up and carry on. noone will help me. noone can, actually. it’s me that has to study. 

i’m just tired, you know. it’s been long 2 years now since i’m constantly onto stuff. also constantly losing friends, meeting people who hurt me in various ways and fail to get to know me and, god forbid, actually love me.

i’m tired. i think i’ll go to bed. hopefully i wake up in a better mood tomorrow. oh yes. oooh. surely. 

have formed an emotional attachement towards bridget jones. 

brian molko is 40, a man and currently 5632% prettier than me. 


Big mouth :O ehuehuehue if you know what I mean.

i dont want to know what you mean i love this man he’s special to me back off today its not the day to make dirty suggestions about brian molko’s mouth tho i confess there’s been times when i myself had been making such jokes. no worries, the god i don’t really completely believe it smote me pretty hard.

you can see why right

no you dont know shit brian just shut up you’re the only guy i’ve loved for let me see something like 8 years OH GOD am i that old fuck crap 

anyway bri. you’re the only guy i’ve loved since forever. maybe it has something to do with the fact you never changed your hair colour. or perhaps it’s because you’re not very guy-ish. listening to old tracks makes me wonder if you even have testosterone. 

can you see this are you reading this people i’m talkign to brian molko who isnt aware of my existance and will likely never be… i’m a mental case.

been following this super depressive monochrome blog since forever because i cant make self unfollow it and now it finally came handy. cheers

so in case you want to hear about how unimaginably pathetic i’ve become: i haven’t revised half  a shit today. have had a dentist’s appointment though and as a result i have nearly suffocated while eating lunch because half my face was numb and now i have a killer pain in my jaw since the effects of the anti-pain injection wore off. beautiful. 

i’ve spent 2 hours reading Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason after lunch (i’m ashamed of myslef) then decided i’d have to start being productive so i took out the trash. half of it was chocolate wrappers. mine. i am afraid to check my weight becuase i’m sure i put on 3 tons during the summer. 

anyway, i wanted some confort so i turned on damn social websites. dude who is supposed to be my friend and wants me to talk him to sleep whenever i can (slight insomnia + slightly inflated sense of self-importance + massive overthinking problem) isn’t responding. 

oh and earlier friend called. whined about exams and all, she’s gonna flunk everything yada, yada when suddenly she goes: oh and i was thinking maybe i’d take that unnecessary exam, too you know since i have the opportunity. if she had time to even consider doing the only thing that is not required to do this school-year well fuck me lady, but you ovbiously know EVERYTHING that you had time to study that as well. bitch. i feel even worse. i’m basically really stupid. slow. you know. unorganized. a mess.

bitchfriend rang, dude kindly ignored me and dentist asked how was my uni going.  i haven’t has so much social interaction in months.

oh yeas, i haven’t inserted a read more break because i’m a dick and i don’t care. unfollow me. like it could actually make my life any more miserable ha ha i mean.. can’t sink deeper once you’ve hit rock bottom, employed a jackhammer and continued to dig a huge hole for yourself.

one last thing. ….permission to kill self?

ps: am even more pathetic than bridget jones at the peak of her patheticness. at least she shagged damn daniel cleaver/hugh grant. my equivalent of disgustingly sexy gorgeous guy isn’t speaking to me. since 3 months. and even before that he NEVER responded to any text or call EVER. okay once he did. one he called me after he woke up asking what was it i wanted when i called him 3 days ago.

aynway i’m sorry to spread my misery as i’m fully aware i’m a sad and pathetic piece of meat fat and i should just shut up

“A man who doesn’t know how to cry is not a real man in my opinion. But that’s just my opinion.”

- Brian Molko (via placebopassion)




Oh dear, I really hope this makes up for making you wait for so long! Drawing these two is always fun, but it took me a while to remember how I used to draw Az… ahaha I’m getting old.

So yeah, I’m kinda back and trying to get the remaining three requests done this week!

oh for the sake of everytHING THAT’S SACRED, CLAUDIA!! *hugs tightly* how did you time this so well?! and how did you manage to draw my favourite scene in the entire book?? i always get mushy inside when i read that part. Right now, when i’m in a similar postion they are, fighting exams and evil professors, knowing i stand very little chances against all of it, i’m even more emotional about it *feelings raging inside* Thank you so so so much, hun. <3 i just… gosh. I love you so much for this. 

I’m reblogging this everyday.